12th July, 2006

Today is the 12th july of the year 2006. Normal routine was disturbed by last night's beer hangout in a well approprately illuminated and ACed bar of "The Stadel". The reason of the party (this is our usual nomenclature for the hangout) was not that sacred as the party was but I wanted to imprint the yesternight as a memorable night. To give this memorability thing a physical form, i bunked office yesterday, stayed home alone watching rohit packing the bags for his journey to the management world, which i funningly name as the world of non-innocence. This naming convention that i use, might sound funny in the first look, but actually it's quite logical and observed convention. In my view, if you are really prepared for management, it means you have developed the brutality of manipulation in yourselves. And that's quite a loss of innocence, and this no more remains a funny thing. Anyways that's what we are all looking forward to and are planned to take on as we go ahead in our professional careers.

It was raining hugely last evening and we three (sure, i should mention Kashif) were waiting at the Bazaar looking for a Taxi which could take us to the sacred party i mentioned earlier. The good thing about beer is that it gives you a floating feeling and takes you up in the air. And for the whole period, you experience one high lifted hanging feeling, and that's the reason i like beer. All this good feeling of beer was little soured by the projector used flashing of Bombay Blast news. I have used this word "little" because i think the emotions cannot travel the distance anymore, or maybe there was nothing we could do except watching the screen a few times. Anyways, all the time during the party, i was thinking "Fuck man! this guy is leaving me, how am i gonna live alone", after all the bonding of 5 amazing years with him was going to end. But this thought was hushed by the feeling "this is real life, and it was going to happen now or later". Finally, we paid up the bill and came out to ask the gate guard to call a taxi for us and within 3 minutes we were in the way back. Calcutta was looking more beautiful than ever after my recent trip to Mumbai which houses the worst roads and crowd. And the rain was looking like the drizzling golden flakes in the yellow headlight of the taxi. And as the clock struck 12 in the night, it was 12th July and i knew this is the parting day and it's a matter of barely few hours that he was with me. I sat before the television to keep my mind busy not to think any of this and surfed the internet for sometime. Then it was 2:05 in the morning and rohit announced "we should sleep now" and after a little effort we fell asleep in the peeping street light of the roadside lamp post.

We gotup at 5:15 with my Nokia 1600's talking lady alarm "It's 5:15 am, it's time to get up!" screaming at the full volume. My head was a little heavy and was not thinking much but was sleeping. The taxi waala came sharp at 6 am and we swiftly loaded the back of the taxi with all the stuff. Abhinav (one of our flatmates) accompanied us to the Howrah Station and it was still raining and there was not much of traffic, so the ride was smooth. At 9:00, we loaded all the rohit's stuff in the AS1 coach as one "english speaking" bhaiya watched us with not-so-happy eyes. It was 9:10 am of 12th july now, and we left rohit after hugging once and taking not the nearest door out from the coach. Feeling of emptiness was shrouding around me and i was not hungry at all. Such occasions kill my hunger for food. All the good times we had together were flashing back in my mind as if a big screen was drawn in the air and movie was being played. Since my childhood, i always feared to do enjoy bestowing things for the fear of the end of that which was always painful for me. So i reached home, there was no rohit in the room. I was almost crying. The bed was still there, Didi(the maid) had done the cleaning and as i write this blog, i have my eyes on the other bed and i am feeling him here not ready to believe that he's gone. I never realized that i was this much attached to him but as he is gone now, i feel empty. As i am writing this blog, it's still 12th july towards the 13th and i guess this emptiness will be filled up by his voice and messages as we get hooked on to the internet messenger and nokia phones. But the heart still says "Fuck maan! you shudn't have gone!".