The New in Me

A Short Story

2010-03-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

He woke up at 8:30 AM with a sudden bang of the shutting main door of his 2 room standalone house. Once again his mom had left for the office leaving him wondering alone. He remembered the faded sound of his mother screaming ... "Rahul get up.. you've to go to school, you've to show the assignments, Mr. Bhusan had called up this morning".

It was difficult for him now to give himself a push to get ready for school. He sat still on the edge of the bed looking at the cloudy sky. It was windy outside; the trees by the side of the road were making cracking sound with the blowing wind giving a feeling as if trees would fall any minute. From the window he could see the long array of coconut trees running parallel between the road and a wide sewerage. He wondered where does this sewerage start and where it goes. There was a rumor that government is taking initiative in changing the filthy, stinky sewerage to a clean water canal which should be used as one of the tourism attractions. But with the passing days, rumor what it stands for lost in air. Now they are constructing metro bridge, possibly a metro station on top of this sewerage. He's seen the sewerage and the coconut trees as long as he remembers. He felt very connected with the place, even with the sewerage, as he's grown up with them. There was a distant sound coming from the farther end of the road…the drilling sound from the metro construction site. These days, he was happy to see the construction happening, big drilling machines, so many people working wearing colorful helmets. In heart, he hated being alone, the crowd at the construction site made him happy and cheerful. Whenever he walked the road crossing the site, he always thought that he'll become an Architect some day. And that thought brought smile to his small round lips. Nights were no more dark, it was good to see the road flooded with the flashing big yellow halogen lights. The trees looked very beautiful when the lights fell on them, changing the hardly visible dark green color to radiating greenish yellow. It ran through his mind how he loves colors, how he wants to paint everything he imagines. He smiled as he moved his head a little to his right to see if the water bottle was still there. Last night his mom asked to get the bottle filled up while going to bed. He sipped some water gulped it down his throat. Wind was becoming stronger with every passing minute. He felt a little concerned, but shrugged the next moment. He thought of the last Sunday, the site was empty. He wondered why these guys didn’t work on Sunday, was it a holiday for them like his school was always off on Sundays. He pondered over this a while and then his thought drifted.

It was 15 minutes past 9 in the morning now. The wind was slowing down; a little sunshine could be seen behind the trees. A rickshaw passed by on the street. A bunch of hospitality services’ students dressed in white shirt and knee dip skirts rushed laughing and chattering loudly. Suddenly Mr. Bhusan ran through his mind… Ohh … I’ll have to go. He got up… snailed lazily towards the Bathroom Basin. He brushed his teeth hastily, took bath and went straight to the Dining Hall table where his mom had kept the food. It was baked bread and butter for breakfast. He wasn’t feeling hungry, somehow swallowed the bread down his throat. He was all alone in the house; there was a weird quietness as if the silence had the noise. He felt uneasy. He hurriedly finished his breakfast, took his school bag on his back and came out. He saw the neighbor girl looking at him. He snarled, doesn’t she have to go to school.
Sun was brighter now… he was feeling discomfort from the heat and humidity. He had just celebrated his 8th birthday last week. All his friends gathered for the party. He remembered how mom had arranged everything so good for the party. Everybody had loved the food and the decoration. But he didn’t like Shyam fighting with his own sister. He remembered how he had to call Uncle John to resolve the fight and how Shyam’s sister had thanked him for taking control of this. His thoughts again drifted as a Ford-Figo went by swiftly. He wondered if they have produced only one color car … Parrot Green… he remembered from the frequent advertisements on TV.
The sound of the drilling machine was getting louder as he walked close to the site. Very large yellow and black colored machines with tank wheels rolled nearby. It was very fascinating for his little imaginative mind. There were workers all around in yellow and red helmets. As he moved ahead along the road… many trees were fallen on the road. He felt sad. These trees had become part of his life. Every morning he took the shades to walk down the road, now they are being removed for the metro station construction. He felt tizzy for a moment. He kept looking at the fallen trees with his sad eyes as he walked along the road. Many lamp posts were also broken. It seemed it was a big storm last night, but he knew it’s the humans’ apathy and indifference that’s responsible for the destruction of nature and he also knew that a day will come when nature will destroy the whole species. He had seen many Hollywood movies on natural disaster and how humans lay helpless. Most part of the road was dug up and it was filled with dirt and sand. It was very tough even to walk by.
The traffic was smooth now after the construction of a flyover near Wipro. On the flyover Cars were speeding … screeching and halting sounds could be heard from farther corner. Big hordes were stretched across the turning… it read ‘Find solace in the divine relaxation… intoxicate yourself at Vedic Village’. He wondered how everything had become a money making business venture. In this fast paced life, overly populated metro place, providing a service to relax had to be a good business.

To be continued...

Beginning of a Promising Shining New Inning

2010-03-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Does it sound like too many adjectives... Promising, Shining.. all similar sounding homynyms? Believe me it feels like life is kick started again on the same road where i always wanted to run/float, but this time it's not a race, not the cut-throat fierce competition which got our lives burnt with the concentrated H2So4, got us choked like we were under the attack of a fully grown Gastro Esophaegal problem.
There is a certain relaxation in the confused burning desiring mind, i think it's all because i know inside there's somebody who'll be running parallelly, who will hold my hand whenever i fall, who will blow the needed breeze to the fire inside me. Now with all this, I've only one choice i'm left with.. that is to 'Excel' in what i always wished to do.

This weekend, we planned to go to the 'Painting Exhibition' by M. F. Hussain. This is organized by 'Gallery Rasa' at New Alipore, Kolkata. Beating the dirt storm from ongoing Metro construction and the 90% humid air, we took a white line Bus from Karunamoyee to Taratalla... romancing with the bouncing last row. The bus made rounds and rounds of streets in Salt Lake before it hit the Bypass. It's always cool to take a bus if it routes through Bypass, crossing Science City. After, the first 45 minutes in the Bus, we were impatient. But i've got this habit of relaxing myself in such times, saying loudly, just imagine that it's cold breeze outside and we are in heavy sweaters trying hard to save us from the freezing cold outside. This somehow, i believe, helps. I often use it on my wife as well and she thinks i'm crazy :). So after a very long 55 minutes, we got out of the Bus at Taratalla Petrol Pump. Just there we got an auto to take us to the Block-P, New Alipore. After getting down from Auto, we strolled past some tea stalls in those narrow roads. Saw some local people playing cards on the pavements sitting in circles half-clothed enjoying the game. We requested them to direct us to the address that i'd taken when starting from home. After 20 minutes of concerned stroll we got to the road to Rasa. I've a very bad sense of direction and on the contrary she's it very good. She pointed out the Gallery that was in the left side of the road, looked like a normal kolkata house. There was a beggar sitting in front wearing only dhoti. After a few seconds, we could locate the Gate, wooden. I tried to push open it, but could not. On the first thought, it came to us that Uff.. it's sunday closure, then we thought of calling the number that i had from the site i checked that morning before going there. I called up the number, lady on the other side was very humble speaking in pure UK accent english. I asked her if the gallery was open. And yes it was open, she sent somebody to open the door and we got in. It was a relief inside in the Air Conditioner, and good thing was the two hour of Bus traveling in the hot humid air was fulfilling. It was a good collection of Hussain's paintings. We two are not much of Art gallery visitors yet, but we were trying very hard to find some meaning in the paintings... but could hardly do. Earlier this month, Hussain Saahab visited the City and had a very good statement which came in the newspaper. “A silk screen print is like a silk route that satisfies people's need for works of art”. “They say a thing of beauty is a joy for ever. Here you change the word ‘ever’ to ‘every body’”. The place where everybody can enjoy art is a public museum. Da Vinci's Mona Lisa can't be kept at residences ~ she belongs to the world. We saw few but good collection of Art Books by Sculpting Artists, their works in different media, wood, terrocota, Bronze, Stones etc. After spending almost an hour there with those colorful and not so colorful artworks, we signed our remarks... 'Please Keep this good work up'.

We came out, it was 7:30 in the evening. We were feeling good as we passed one Hanuman Ji Mandir with loud but serene Aarti going on. I told her if we could find a 'Ladoo' shop to offer to Hanuman Ji, couldn't find one. We kept walking till we located a shop. We bought some laddoo, offered them to Hanuman Ji in our thought. We also enjoyed lassi and Gulaab Jamun. Finally we were on the Bus Stand. As we waited there for Bus No. S/4, saw many people busy fighting yet enjoying with the daily bread butter problems. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes.. no Bus, finally we decided to take the auto to the nearest Metro station - Rabindra Sarovar. In another, 10 minutes we were on our way back to Salt Lake. It was beautifu, satisfactory. I believe we should enjoy these smaller joylet packets instead of waiting for the Big Fat Happiness. And my wife.. my love.. seems to agree.

Passionate Desire

2010-03-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

Passionate desire is disturbing and frustrating if not fulfilled. Desire shapes up every moment within you in different forms, it burns like fire. If kept unaddressed, it starts bugging your mind, heart and ultimately you as a whole.
If you desire to achieve big (big is something that's defined by you, it's sometimes the dream that you have for short time and sometimes big enough to chase for life) and if that goes unaddressed and unattended, this is sure to give you hard time.
Lately my sense of creativity is giving me burning in my head. I'm getting episodes of these passionate desires pushing and knocking hard to come out and surface my heart and mind. I wanna do this and that and this and that, a very confused state of mind. My heart is singing silently and loudly

'Saari umar hum marr marr ke jee liye

Ek pal to ab humein jeene do jeene do
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance i wanna grow up once again'

I know the sleeping creative baby is awake asking me to feed milk to her.

So this comes with the necessary thump in my head... go boy ... do something, you've slept long enough, it's time to wake up.
My life partner is so supportive, trying very hard to wake me up from my sleep, provoking my innate sense of love for all the things i desire to do. I got her a Guitar, a cut-away 6 string acoustic on her b'day this year. Trying to adjust my fingers to play A Major on 5th fret of this b'tiful Black piece.
It's a saying, 'there's always a woman behind a man's success', my mom did all the good she could, now my wife it here to take me to another level of fulfillment of my burning desiring dreams. I feel it, it has come, and I'm ready to sail this boat with her to the eternity of joy.

Bad for Good (life is really uncertain)

2008-04-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

In last one and half year, life has seen so much now. So many incidents and coincidents contributed to the moments that went by. Some were real bad and some were like the spell of cool drizzles after a long hot and dry summer. Last year, it so happened that coincidentally i met one of my old high school freinds on orkut. Slowly the events took turns and twists and later we found ourselves deeply attached and involved. I remember those late night calls, waking up from sleep and talking till the sun touched our porch. I remember my delhi visit and the chilled mornings that we had together. It seems those cold mornings worked pretty good to make our relationship strong. Life's course has been so fast in this one and half year, it feels like it's been a long time.

Enough of Cricket...lets play some Soccer now...

2006-08-28T03:32:00.000-07:00

Last week, India ( better, i should say Kolkata ) lost to the WorldCup@Germany finalist, Saudi Arabia by 3-0. I know, many of the readers (my friends), would think, with frowns on their faces and with eyebrows dancing, "what's the crap this guy talking about, Saudi Arabia was never in the world Cup, and which WorldCup was played at Germany...this guy (the writer) has surely lost his mind". Before u start losing your head on this, and give a comment cursing me, i must tell you guys, this is the Football world cup i am talking about!!! People in India ( including me ), are so engrossed in Cricket that they never bother to go to the second page of the Sports section of the newspapers, which have Soccer news (ofcourse LOCAL, Kolkattan or Indian).
Almost the entire population of our country must be knowing that Chappell is our coach, might not being aware of the game he coaches, but if you ask somebody, who is Bob Houghton?, the reply, in most cases, would probably be "I guess, he is the one who has recently been to the Mars". So that's the status Football has in our country.
I must tell you, Bob is our newly appointed coach for the Indian FOOTBALL team and this man will have real huge pain in his ass as he tries to mould indian (kolkattan) football players to prepare them for the world arena. That, not because Bhutia doesn't know how to run in the field, but because he will have to face the Dragon of Cricket mania. He will have to perform as a winner to bring the consciousness for Football in Indian people and at the same time bring Football at the first page. I would say, the Indian Media should be blamed on for this. They are not doing justice to the game, just to sell the newspaper, they show Sachin's photo on the front and then who have time to see anything else. Time has come to make Football our national game, i've always wondered, why is this hockey which is in a stage of extinction. The government seem to have this fundamentally strong ( and equally wrong ) notion that "the dying and liable to extinction, should be the nation's pride". Why not we just go for the game the world is playing, y can't we beat Saudi Arabia?? Can we not produce 11 killer players out of the reproduced billion. We should accept the fact that with Dhyan Chand grown, our hockey is gone.

Though we lost to Saudi Arabia, our spirit should not lose. We gotta build some fanatics club, if we can dance on every beat of the SAMBA, why can't we dance on the beats of KATHAK. Everybody watches Football worldcup like it's being played in our own country and our country is going to win, but when it comes to the reality all hearts in India say, "Naah!! who???? india and in Football world cup?? Just forget it...". We gotta change this attitude towards the Game of the World, and we have to dream that India too can win. If WorldCup@Germany2006 could help Germany rebuild its economy, i'm sure the indian companies must start giving boost to the game. This FOOTBALL can bring globalisation in india in real senses. Hail Bob!!! Hail Football!!! Hail India!!!

Vegetable Atta Noodles..... innovation in FMCG

2006-08-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

March, 2006, FMCG has another innovation in its bag with the arrival of "Vegetable Atta Noodles". Nestle has done it again, proved that it's a brand of reliability and credibility and once again punched the line "Believe the Reliable". This evening after coming from office, as i ate the Atta Noodles, all i could realize that this was worth paying 12 extra rupees for a pack of 4. I am just surprized by the way "health care" has been put into the earlier "maida" maggi which was a little bugging to the stomach. Recent survey in the IIMs says, Maggi is the most popular stuff in the hostel. According to the creators, each 100 gm pack of Maggi Vegetable Atta Noodles gives nutrition (energy, fiber, protein and calcium) equivalent to three rotis. And so, with this Nestle's "heathy" maggi, i think people will start taking this instead of their regular lunches and dinners.

This is the age of the Retail boom in India and FMCG plays an import role in that. Now that every nook and corner of the metros are witnessing the erection of the shopping malls, nobody can deny the fact that the retailing business is on its best. Retail is booming, it’s growing at a very fast pace with many Indian players like Reliance, Pantaloon and international players like Wal-Mart venturing into the Indian markets. Reliance has promised to open 63 such stores in the coming years. This retail boom couldn't go unobserved by our Management schools also, and different B-schools have started the specialized courses in retailing. "MICA", "IISWBM", "Welingkar", and "K.J.Somaiya" have started dedicated courses in retailing. And this observation by these well established schools will bring another spurt of thrust in this retailing. A major portion of this retail is the FMCG section with the appetizers in action. And then this boom is quite expected as the economy is on surge and people are earning money more than ever and so they got something nice to spend on.

As we walked in to the C3 store in our "City center" shopping mall, we could see the "vegetable aata noodles" announcing it's arrival with it's green and yellow shining pack staring right into our eyes with a promise to provide "health". And when Mr Martial Rolland, Chairman and Managing Director of Nestlé India, claims that "Maggi Vegetable Atta Noodles is a very strong concept. Research and consumer insight indicate that dietary fibre in whole wheat facilitates good health and wellness", we cannot overlook this. Retail boom is gonna be further boosted by the arrival of this Atta Noodles. I remember earlier after eating one, i couldn't eat other, but as my stomach is now relieved by this new Mr. Atta Noodles, i guess Mr. Stomach will have his days back and will show the growth in appetite.

Commercialising God...

2006-07-28T02:08:00.000-07:00

The whole of this world and the pace which it is keeping is because there is a policy always in work, "Doing Bad Things For Good Reasons". This, in other terms, can be thought as "Being Selfish is good, but never be Mean!". And in the same purview we have "Whatever you do, but never bring harm to anyone!". You might be wondering, how are these policies in sync with the title. Call this "my senses awakened" or "my acute observations coming out of the prolonged slumber", but these days, i am sensing things all around me, watching them carefully, trying to study them and to conclude. Solitude has its creativity intact with it, and it gives you a platform to think in your own mind without being changed or manipulated, which is a really tough task to keep up if you are always surrounded by the restless flock. Such a time came to me, when i was on a sojourn as a Roamware's working guest, in Mumbai. The lonely room of "Oritel", b'tifully tiled and well equipped with all the luxurious facilities, gave me the solitude along with the creativity and the awakening senses. One night, while surfing TV channels, my fingers stopped on "Aastha", which everybody knows as a spiritual channel. A program was being broadcast which was a live show of some "Spiritual Congregation" organized by Sh. Sh. Pundit RaviShanker in Banglore(the high tech, IT hub). It was one huge occasion very hard to imagine, with lacs of people from across the globe arrived to attend it. It started with the introductory speech by Mr. Kalam, the honorable President of India and then followed by other big names from India and other countries viz. France, Phillipines, Canada etc. What i smelled in there is, it was one huge "Diplomatic Congregation" more than one "Spiritual Congregation". All the countries who have a diplomatic relationship with India, were invited. The idea behind this gave me a smell of "Brand Building" with the help of "Commercialising God". I was simply amazed and stunned to see that, what a great effort had been put. All i could think was, why was that organized in a place (Banglore), where we hardly have space for this, and I concluded after a li'l thinking that it's the branding in progress using God's name And there is no harm in it. Now, can you link all the policies i mentioned earlier, with the title? Aspiring for the business administration career has given me the eyes and i can feel now, how india is heading towards once America's owned "Capitalization". We gotta make money out of every damn things possible. And that night, i kept watching the same channel for quite long and saw how beautifully all the programs are presented-and-packaged-and-sold not only in India, but in US and other foreign countries. I bowed down to the gods and gurus of the projects who could come up with such brilliant ideas to use "God" to make money. Though this looks a li'l odd, how can anybody do that, and it never happened to me earlier while watching the channel, but I had it in mind "Doing Bad things for Good Reasons". And i know, God is with them, they are working like another King Ashoka, who left all his belongings after the battle of Kalinga, and started to advertize God throughout the world. The new Ashokas are there, using there business Acumen, to sell God and make money out of that. Countries are known as brands for their wines and perfumes, such as Australian wines etc. If you sell good wines, that helps in brand building, But i guess India has broken this traditional style and has made "Spirituality and Yoga" the brand building wines for India. They have tapped this zone and have fully understood the mechanism of how the world is so impressed with this spiritual enlightenment. After the muddling and restless life of the west, India is where they can find peace and spiritual upliftment. When i write this, "God must be smiling at me, thinking what a mortal, humans are...".

Namesake...Calcutta ... Kolkata

2006-07-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Why do i think that this is the right time for Calcutta to show up in the world map, why do i think it's now or never.

Football WorldCup is over, France is defeated and we can blame Zidane for this. His presence in the penalty shootout could have saved France. But i guess he'll be in the news for his bull head hit quite more than his head goal against Italy. This WorldCup must have surged the economy of Germany in spikes with a hope of bringing the new industrial investments to the host country. But it's been turning good and hopeful for india also, with some companies ready to sponsor our local football clubs and they want to see india qualifying in the 2010 WorldCup.
The BL-block field in SaltLake, Calcutta was glittering in flood lights this evening and I could read a big yellow banner "YUVA Champions Football League". One team was dressed in Netherland's "Orange" and other in Brazil's "Greenish Yellow". I just stopped by the fence in the local crowd of young guys screaming hysterically to cheer up their teams. I could smell the teen spirit, the spirit of football, more than just a game. When it rains, people come out of their houses and all the local fields are filled up with young guys shooting the ball from the midfields, as if they are the peacocks of this grand gaming spirit. And when the companies are thinking to sponsor indian football clubs, i imagine the birth of another "Juventus" in Calcutta, another "Real Madrid" or another "Milan" or "Florentina". When it comes to Football, it's Calcutta and only Calcutta that's the name we know. I don't see any other city or state in India where Football is a name. So, here is the opportunity for Calcutta to make it big. It might not be in the first 3 software exporters' list in the country till now, and might not have attracted foreign investments, but this is the chance it can use to take herself to the top. All Calcutta needs is the perfect marketing strategy to advertise herself to make herself known in the map. Recently, i visited a Caribbean Island as my official trip which has more of the American Culture. All i felt that Calcutta is nowhere in picture, they knew Bombay, B'lore, Delhi, but none of my group members knew any Calcutta, and that filled me up with disgust and shame. I am not from Calcutta, but being here for the last five years and spending the best of my days, i feel myself attached to this place. If we talk about infrastructure, Bangalore is struggling with the overburden of the investments and Bombay has just too many slums. So the right choice is Calcutta, but the problem is nobody knows there is this cool city in the eastern part of india. Bangalore sells because of it's packaging and branding. That branding is required for Calcutta and i guess enough of atmosphere has been created for this Football crazy city and infrastructural promising hub. So this is the right time to hit the chord to create a melody note and the only way i can see to do this is to advertize, to market herself. WorldCup 2006 has brought colored opportunities to this city of joy and we need to recognize that and build upon that. I don't know why calcutta is infamous for her Bandhs. I can hardly find my office shutting the doors because of that. It's the new face of Calcutta which is brave and honest and intelligent and we can find a cross culture getting developed. We got to bring in the talent from across the state borders.It's our onus to take Calcutta into the goals with a header of marketing and to picture it in the world map. And I am sure, once this could be done our Calcutta will surely be the picture in the frame of india. The state government is selling the Rajarhat land in some Rs. 2.4 crores for few acres which is just too high with respect to the rate in other competing hubs. I believe in the fact that we cannot create an asset while we are growing and this is the growing phase for Calcutta. We gotta liberalize in every respect and once this branding is done we sure can go ahead with whatever be our ambitions. So lets hope the government understands this prerequisities of a developed and shining Calcutta. May God Bless Calcutta!! Amen!!!

12th July, 2006

2006-07-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

Today is the 12th july of the year 2006. Normal routine was disturbed by last night's beer hangout in a well approprately illuminated and ACed bar of "The Stadel". The reason of the party (this is our usual nomenclature for the hangout) was not that sacred as the party was but I wanted to imprint the yesternight as a memorable night. To give this memorability thing a physical form, i bunked office yesterday, stayed home alone watching rohit packing the bags for his journey to the management world, which i funningly name as the world of non-innocence. This naming convention that i use, might sound funny in the first look, but actually it's quite logical and observed convention. In my view, if you are really prepared for management, it means you have developed the brutality of manipulation in yourselves. And that's quite a loss of innocence, and this no more remains a funny thing. Anyways that's what we are all looking forward to and are planned to take on as we go ahead in our professional careers.

It was raining hugely last evening and we three (sure, i should mention Kashif) were waiting at the Bazaar looking for a Taxi which could take us to the sacred party i mentioned earlier. The good thing about beer is that it gives you a floating feeling and takes you up in the air. And for the whole period, you experience one high lifted hanging feeling, and that's the reason i like beer. All this good feeling of beer was little soured by the projector used flashing of Bombay Blast news. I have used this word "little" because i think the emotions cannot travel the distance anymore, or maybe there was nothing we could do except watching the screen a few times. Anyways, all the time during the party, i was thinking "Fuck man! this guy is leaving me, how am i gonna live alone", after all the bonding of 5 amazing years with him was going to end. But this thought was hushed by the feeling "this is real life, and it was going to happen now or later". Finally, we paid up the bill and came out to ask the gate guard to call a taxi for us and within 3 minutes we were in the way back. Calcutta was looking more beautiful than ever after my recent trip to Mumbai which houses the worst roads and crowd. And the rain was looking like the drizzling golden flakes in the yellow headlight of the taxi. And as the clock struck 12 in the night, it was 12th July and i knew this is the parting day and it's a matter of barely few hours that he was with me. I sat before the television to keep my mind busy not to think any of this and surfed the internet for sometime. Then it was 2:05 in the morning and rohit announced "we should sleep now" and after a little effort we fell asleep in the peeping street light of the roadside lamp post.

We gotup at 5:15 with my Nokia 1600's talking lady alarm "It's 5:15 am, it's time to get up!" screaming at the full volume. My head was a little heavy and was not thinking much but was sleeping. The taxi waala came sharp at 6 am and we swiftly loaded the back of the taxi with all the stuff. Abhinav (one of our flatmates) accompanied us to the Howrah Station and it was still raining and there was not much of traffic, so the ride was smooth. At 9:00, we loaded all the rohit's stuff in the AS1 coach as one "english speaking" bhaiya watched us with not-so-happy eyes. It was 9:10 am of 12th july now, and we left rohit after hugging once and taking not the nearest door out from the coach. Feeling of emptiness was shrouding around me and i was not hungry at all. Such occasions kill my hunger for food. All the good times we had together were flashing back in my mind as if a big screen was drawn in the air and movie was being played. Since my childhood, i always feared to do enjoy bestowing things for the fear of the end of that which was always painful for me. So i reached home, there was no rohit in the room. I was almost crying. The bed was still there, Didi(the maid) had done the cleaning and as i write this blog, i have my eyes on the other bed and i am feeling him here not ready to believe that he's gone. I never realized that i was this much attached to him but as he is gone now, i feel empty. As i am writing this blog, it's still 12th july towards the 13th and i guess this emptiness will be filled up by his voice and messages as we get hooked on to the internet messenger and nokia phones. But the heart still says "Fuck maan! you shudn't have gone!".

The New in Me

2006-06-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

So finally my hands and mind are free enough to let me blog on this. It's a kind of story. It's a collection of factoids that're gathered somewhere inside my mind and the cached memories have become the pages in the history book of my mind.

I remember, it was the first month of my 9th class in Rajasthan High School, Sahibganj. I was taking part in a drawing competition in another school organized by the DC of sahibganj. I got the first prize and also got one thing that became the most prized posession for me. That one thing was the passion to mark a name for myself and i remember that was triggered by the white bold letters on the green background of a 3'*3' board. The board was to highlight the 10th toppers in the school. I read "Tara Kant Jha", i had heard the stories that he turned crazy when he got IIT and he was one exceptionally intelligent man. And this event gave me enough craziness to top the 10th board examination, i stopped playing volley ball, got hooked off from one of my closest friend and comics partner. I started studying as that became the only thing in my life. No friends, no relatives, only books were all that could be seen around me. And came the preboards, i worked harder throughout the exams, slept less than 5 hours, and gave the toll by making my body lean and thin. Anyways i was happy, i was satisfied with my exams and was expecting to get good marks. The preboard results came and everybody was stunned to see my mark sheet. I had got 95% in the preboard which was something rare to happen in the bihar board exams, and surely i was exalted. Now i had to prepare myself for the real exam which was from 14th february and Saraswati puja was on 10th of february. This puja is something i can never keep myself away from. So i participated in the puja, did some coloring of puja pandal. 14th May, i was sitting, enjoying the abundance of light and air in my Bhartia Colony. A younger class 8th guy then, came with one newspaper cutting in his hand and shouting announcing the result. The paper had sections as first division, 2nd division, and 3rd division, with roll numbers typed in each section. And each of these sections were under the name of a particular school. Without much hassle i could see my roll number in the first division section. I was happy and so was my family.

Whole of 12th was about IIT and engg. But I messed up badly and finally ended up in IIIT-C. The passion was gone and i didnot want to study anymore. I just wanted to pass the engg somehow and to get a job which could feed me along with my family who had high expectations from me. First year went with all my complaints from myself. I got a fakka in maths in first semester, and that was the point when i felt that there was something sinking in me and i felt like i could never recover from that. But then Rohit happened to me. He is like an event to me which changed my life. I started to take things easy without expecting much which had become my habit since school days. I learnt a lot in the college. College ended with all the sweet and sour memories in me. And then Alumnus. Being in Alumnus gave me boldness and fearlessness. And something new had taken the shape in me. That new was beautiful, bold and fearless. And that new is still in me and taking me to places and i am sure this is taking different forms now, improving day by day.